It's Complicated (S2): WK 5 - WED
WARNING: Today’s topic continues with the aftermath of a story involving rape and abuse. We want to make sure you are well cared for, so if you have struggled with these things, please proceed with caution. If you are triggered in any way, or realize you need more help, you may reach out to a pastor at your local campus, or call the Sexual Assault Hotline at 800.656.4673.
2 Samuel 13:15-22
15 Then suddenly Amnon’s love turned to hate, and he hated her even more than he had
loved her. “Get out of here!” he snarled at her.
16 “No, no!” Tamar cried. “Sending me away now is worse than what you’ve already done
to me.” But Amnon wouldn’t listen to her.
17 He shouted for his servant and demanded, “Throw this woman out, and lock the
door behind her!”
18 So the servant put her out and locked the door behind her. She was wearing a
long, beautiful robe, as was the custom in those days for the king’s virgin daughters.
19 But now Tamar tore her robe and put ashes on her head. And then, with her face in
her hands, she went away crying.
20 Her brother Absalom saw her and asked, “Is it true that Amnon has been with you?
Well, my sister, keep quiet for now, since he’s your brother. Don’t you worry about it.”
So Tamar lived as a desolate woman in her brother Absalom’s house.
21 When King David heard what had happened, he was very angry.
22 And though Absalom never spoke to Amnon about this, he hated Amnon deeply
because of what he had done to his sister.
First of all, I recognize that I am a man and can’t possibly fathom what all Tamar went through in this story, but I can tell you it breaks my heart and causes me to feel sick inside (and I do recognize that men can experience rape and sexual assault too, and I in no way want to suggest otherwise). These sick feelings are yet another reminder that these are the stories we were never meant to experience or hear.
Secondly, it’s interesting isn’t it? Amnon’s obsession of Tamar drives him to do the unconscionable, then once he does the unconscionable, she becomes the target of his hate as if his feelings are her fault, not his. Oh how we love to place blame on anyone or anything but ourselves.
In reality, Amnon could no longer look at Tamar without seeing the evil that was inside of him. She became a mirror to that which he feared the most about himself, and his hatred towards her was simply his hatred of himself.
Notice how God didn’t have to do anything to Amnon in this moment; all He had to do was let Amnon suffer the consequences of his own choices. And no doubt, they were awful. But he is not the victim here; Tamar is, and as we’re told she ran away crying and went on to live as a desolate woman in her brother Absalom’s house. The other way to translate the word for desolate is to say that she lived a ruined life. My heart breaks to write that line. Oh what Tamar suffered because of the choices of another, and not just another human being, a brother, someone she was supposed to be able to trust in.
That said, even though we’ll see Absalom’s anger get the best of him, I am thankful Tamar had Absalom’s to go to for protection and comfort. Too many people in our world don’t have an Absalom. I’d like to think our faith communities could be those places of comfort and protection, but even those are full of humans who do human things. That said, if we are to call ourselves followers of Jesus, then we have an even higher calling to lookout for those that can’t lookout for themselves. Or as our fourth end statement at Crosswalk says…
Crosswalk will be a community that lives beyond herself by caring and advocating for the powerless, oppressed and abandoned.
May our communities of faith truly be places of belonging that seek to protect, advocate, and care for those that need us most; and may we do so by keeping our eyes on Jesus, our Mighty God, our Prince of Peace, our Savior, our Healer, and our Redeemer.
1. What are some practical ways that you and I can live beyond ourselves by caring and
advocating for the powerless, oppressed, and abandoned among us?
2. What Amnon did was truly evil, but when I read Scripture I come to realize that God
would like to save Him too. How do we reconcile our own feelings towards Amnon
in this story, or any of the Amnon’s in our life, with the God who seeks to save?
2 Samuel 13:15-22
15 Then suddenly Amnon’s love turned to hate, and he hated her even more than he had
loved her. “Get out of here!” he snarled at her.
16 “No, no!” Tamar cried. “Sending me away now is worse than what you’ve already done
to me.” But Amnon wouldn’t listen to her.
17 He shouted for his servant and demanded, “Throw this woman out, and lock the
door behind her!”
18 So the servant put her out and locked the door behind her. She was wearing a
long, beautiful robe, as was the custom in those days for the king’s virgin daughters.
19 But now Tamar tore her robe and put ashes on her head. And then, with her face in
her hands, she went away crying.
20 Her brother Absalom saw her and asked, “Is it true that Amnon has been with you?
Well, my sister, keep quiet for now, since he’s your brother. Don’t you worry about it.”
So Tamar lived as a desolate woman in her brother Absalom’s house.
21 When King David heard what had happened, he was very angry.
22 And though Absalom never spoke to Amnon about this, he hated Amnon deeply
because of what he had done to his sister.
First of all, I recognize that I am a man and can’t possibly fathom what all Tamar went through in this story, but I can tell you it breaks my heart and causes me to feel sick inside (and I do recognize that men can experience rape and sexual assault too, and I in no way want to suggest otherwise). These sick feelings are yet another reminder that these are the stories we were never meant to experience or hear.
Secondly, it’s interesting isn’t it? Amnon’s obsession of Tamar drives him to do the unconscionable, then once he does the unconscionable, she becomes the target of his hate as if his feelings are her fault, not his. Oh how we love to place blame on anyone or anything but ourselves.
In reality, Amnon could no longer look at Tamar without seeing the evil that was inside of him. She became a mirror to that which he feared the most about himself, and his hatred towards her was simply his hatred of himself.
Notice how God didn’t have to do anything to Amnon in this moment; all He had to do was let Amnon suffer the consequences of his own choices. And no doubt, they were awful. But he is not the victim here; Tamar is, and as we’re told she ran away crying and went on to live as a desolate woman in her brother Absalom’s house. The other way to translate the word for desolate is to say that she lived a ruined life. My heart breaks to write that line. Oh what Tamar suffered because of the choices of another, and not just another human being, a brother, someone she was supposed to be able to trust in.
That said, even though we’ll see Absalom’s anger get the best of him, I am thankful Tamar had Absalom’s to go to for protection and comfort. Too many people in our world don’t have an Absalom. I’d like to think our faith communities could be those places of comfort and protection, but even those are full of humans who do human things. That said, if we are to call ourselves followers of Jesus, then we have an even higher calling to lookout for those that can’t lookout for themselves. Or as our fourth end statement at Crosswalk says…
Crosswalk will be a community that lives beyond herself by caring and advocating for the powerless, oppressed and abandoned.
May our communities of faith truly be places of belonging that seek to protect, advocate, and care for those that need us most; and may we do so by keeping our eyes on Jesus, our Mighty God, our Prince of Peace, our Savior, our Healer, and our Redeemer.
1. What are some practical ways that you and I can live beyond ourselves by caring and
advocating for the powerless, oppressed, and abandoned among us?
2. What Amnon did was truly evil, but when I read Scripture I come to realize that God
would like to save Him too. How do we reconcile our own feelings towards Amnon
in this story, or any of the Amnon’s in our life, with the God who seeks to save?
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