September 11th, 2023
THE MYTHS OF FAITH & MENTAL HEALTH Myth #2 - Everyone else has it all together
As I exited the church I worked for one Saturday, I saw a woman sitting at the back of the sanctuary. She looked like something was weighing on her, so I stopped, introduced myself, and asked her if everything was okay. She said, “Yeah, I don’t think I can return to this church.” Worried that someone had said or done something to her that led her to that conclusion, I kindly asked, “Why, what’s wrong?”. She said, “Everyone here seems to have it all together, and I don’t.”
We had a good conversation where I told her, “Oh, everyone here must just be good at hiding the wrong things.” I said, “Even the best-dressed people still have holes in their socks.”
We often like to give off the appearance to others that we’ve got our act together, that everything is going great, and that we are masters at this thing called life. Maybe it’s fear, envy, jealousy, but for whatever reason, we’re quicker to hide our scars than show them off or share them with others.
For several months, I tried to hide my diagnosis from the people I worked with. I was afraid I’d lose my job and the respect of others. After all, if I can barely hold my life together how can I help anyone else do that with theirs? Then, one day, God sent me an angel. A student approached me right before I was responsible for a chapel program and asked if everything was okay. I said yes, but that was a lie. I was fighting off a panic attack and had just gotten off the phone with my wife where I begged her to say it was ok for me to leave work and come home.
Thankfully, I stayed because, after the service, that same student returned to me and said, “Are you sure you’re OK? Because I don’t believe you when you say that you are.” Tears welled up in my eyes as this angel saw past my veneer and into my heart. All I could say was, “It’s been a tough week.” When I got home that day, I told my wife that we had to start sharing my secret with others.
That’s when I learned that our secrets keep us sick. Until we can start to share them, we won’t be able to begin healing. And you know what I found when I finally did share my secret? I found church. I found a room full of people who didn’t judge me for my struggle but were willing to come alongside me in my pain. I found a room full of people who dared to share what was going on with them when I found the courage to share what was happening with me.
I found a group of broken people willing to support each other as we reach out for God together. This is what I think it means to “be church.”
JOURNAL:
We had a good conversation where I told her, “Oh, everyone here must just be good at hiding the wrong things.” I said, “Even the best-dressed people still have holes in their socks.”
We often like to give off the appearance to others that we’ve got our act together, that everything is going great, and that we are masters at this thing called life. Maybe it’s fear, envy, jealousy, but for whatever reason, we’re quicker to hide our scars than show them off or share them with others.
For several months, I tried to hide my diagnosis from the people I worked with. I was afraid I’d lose my job and the respect of others. After all, if I can barely hold my life together how can I help anyone else do that with theirs? Then, one day, God sent me an angel. A student approached me right before I was responsible for a chapel program and asked if everything was okay. I said yes, but that was a lie. I was fighting off a panic attack and had just gotten off the phone with my wife where I begged her to say it was ok for me to leave work and come home.
Thankfully, I stayed because, after the service, that same student returned to me and said, “Are you sure you’re OK? Because I don’t believe you when you say that you are.” Tears welled up in my eyes as this angel saw past my veneer and into my heart. All I could say was, “It’s been a tough week.” When I got home that day, I told my wife that we had to start sharing my secret with others.
That’s when I learned that our secrets keep us sick. Until we can start to share them, we won’t be able to begin healing. And you know what I found when I finally did share my secret? I found church. I found a room full of people who didn’t judge me for my struggle but were willing to come alongside me in my pain. I found a room full of people who dared to share what was going on with them when I found the courage to share what was happening with me.
I found a group of broken people willing to support each other as we reach out for God together. This is what I think it means to “be church.”
JOURNAL:
- Where do you feel most comfortable being yourself?
- Is there a secret you’ve been holding that feels as if it’s weighing you down?
- Do you have anyone in your life that you could share that secret with? If so, who and when? If not, what are some ideas for how you could find that kind of community?
By Pastor Paddy McCoy
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