UN/Broken - Day 19

One of the hardest things about beginning the  journey out of the darkness and into the light of  feeling whole in our mental health is the ability to be  vulnerable. Vulnerability can be tricky, especially  when we don’t feel safe or deeply fear rejection. However, as mentioned in week one, our secrets keep  us sick, so we need to begin to share if we will start  the journey towards healing.
 
One of our biggest fears of vulnerability is admitting  to another person that we can’t make it on our own. We are raised to be self-sufficient self-reliant, to pull  
ourselves up by our bootstraps. But amid our mental  health and spiritual attacks, admitting that we can’t  fight the battle alone is critical.
 
As I considered this topic, my mind drifted to King  Saul's story.
   
If you know Saul’s story, you know he was chosen to  be the first king of Israel. But things didn’t go as  planned, and in 1 Samuel 16, something changes in  Saul. We read, “Now the Spirit of the Lord had left  Saul, and the Lord sent a tormenting spirit that filled  him with depression and fear.” 1 Samuel 16:14 NLT
 
Saul went from being anointed to being tormented. Sounds like he spent a week or two as a pastor.  
 
Did God send the tormenting spirit? Well, that’s  debatable, and it doesn’t sound like something the God we see throughout Scripture would do. But you  have to understand the worldview of the Hebrews of  this time. They believed that God was all-powerful  and that if God didn’t stop something from  happening, then God was seen as the one who did  that something.
 
Regardless of the source of it, however, Saul was  tormented and was often filled with depression and  fear. He discovered that one of the only things that  helped him was music. Long story short, Saul was led  to a young shepherd named David, who had a talent  for playing the harp. Saul learned to be vulnerable in  his struggle, and when he was at his worst, he would  call for David to come and play.
 
“And whenever the tormenting spirit from God  troubled Saul, David would play the harp. Then Saul  would feel better, and the tormenting spirit would go  away.” 1 Samuel 16:21-23 NLT
But we also know that Saul became jealous of David  as the people began to see David as the better  leader. Saul tried to kill David many times, even  though David was the only one who could help him. We are often our own worst enemies.
 
Asking for help can be one of the most challenging  things you can do, but it is the beginning of the road  to healing.  
 
QUESTION
• What are you afraid of someone finding out  about you?
• What are some of the things that help you find  peace and calm when life is tormenting you? • Is there someone you can practice being more  vulnerable with today?