Learning to Lovewell: W2 - TUE
The Fear that Shame Creates
Genesis 3:8-10 (NLT) "I heard you walking in the garden, so I hid. I was afraid because I was naked."
"I was afraid." These might be the saddest words in the Bible. Adam, who was created for fearless intimacy with God, is now afraid of the One who loves him most. Shame has twisted his perception so completely that love feels like a threat.
This is what shame does to relationships: it makes love feel dangerous. It convinces us that if people get too close, they'll discover who we really are and reject us. So, we push away the very people we need most. We sabotage relationships before they can hurt us. We choose loneliness over the risk of rejection.
Adam says he's afraid because he's naked. But nakedness was never the problem before. Genesis 2:25 tells us that Adam and Eve were "both naked, but they felt no shame." The nakedness isn't new, the shame is new. And shame makes vulnerability feel terrifying.
Here's the cruel irony: the very thing that shame tells us to avoid, being known, is the only thing that can heal shame. As Tim Keller once wrote: “To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God.” (The Meaning of Marriage).
This is why learning to Lovewell requires courage. It means being willing to know people in their brokenness and love them anyway. It means creating space for people to be honest about their struggles without fear of judgment. It means responding to confession with compassion, not condemnation.
Jesus understood this perfectly. When the woman caught in adultery was brought to Him, everyone else wanted to stone her. But Jesus created space for her to be seen, known, and loved anyway. "Neither do I condemn you," He said. "Go and sin no more." Love first, then transformation.
The people in your life who are most difficult, most defensive, most prone to pushing others away, they're usually the ones carrying the most shame. They're not just being difficult; they're protecting themselves the only way they know how.
Genesis 3:8-10 (NLT) "I heard you walking in the garden, so I hid. I was afraid because I was naked."
"I was afraid." These might be the saddest words in the Bible. Adam, who was created for fearless intimacy with God, is now afraid of the One who loves him most. Shame has twisted his perception so completely that love feels like a threat.
This is what shame does to relationships: it makes love feel dangerous. It convinces us that if people get too close, they'll discover who we really are and reject us. So, we push away the very people we need most. We sabotage relationships before they can hurt us. We choose loneliness over the risk of rejection.
Adam says he's afraid because he's naked. But nakedness was never the problem before. Genesis 2:25 tells us that Adam and Eve were "both naked, but they felt no shame." The nakedness isn't new, the shame is new. And shame makes vulnerability feel terrifying.
Here's the cruel irony: the very thing that shame tells us to avoid, being known, is the only thing that can heal shame. As Tim Keller once wrote: “To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God.” (The Meaning of Marriage).
This is why learning to Lovewell requires courage. It means being willing to know people in their brokenness and love them anyway. It means creating space for people to be honest about their struggles without fear of judgment. It means responding to confession with compassion, not condemnation.
Jesus understood this perfectly. When the woman caught in adultery was brought to Him, everyone else wanted to stone her. But Jesus created space for her to be seen, known, and loved anyway. "Neither do I condemn you," He said. "Go and sin no more." Love first, then transformation.
The people in your life who are most difficult, most defensive, most prone to pushing others away, they're usually the ones carrying the most shame. They're not just being difficult; they're protecting themselves the only way they know how.
- How has shame made you afraid of the very love you need most?
- What would it look like to create safer spaces for people to be vulnerable without fear?
- Who in your life might be pushing you away because they're afraid of being truly known?
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