UN/Broken - Day 22

October 1st, 2023

What to do When You Suspect Suicidal Thoughts

If you suspect a loved one might be struggling with Suicidal Ideations or SI, what can you do? Directly asking someone you care about if they are about to end their life can come across as a bit harsh and accusatory. However, the question must be asked, and I find it helpful to soften the question like this: Are you having any thoughts of wishing you were dead? If the answer is yes, ask what is happening (or not happening) in their life to drive them toward such thoughts. At that point, it’s your job to listen, empathize, and reflect on what you have heard in your own words.

Whatever you do, please don't get caught up in trying to fix the issues they describe. Their problems are too much for you to solve now, and your efforts to do so will drive the person to pull away from you. It never feels good to be someone’s fix-it project.

Then you need to ask the following: Have your thoughts ever reached a point where you considered ending your life? If the answer is no, then the danger is less serious. If the answer is yes, you could ask their plan.

People are generally willing to answer these questions when I ask with authentic caring. Once they tell you their method, you need to ask if they have access to it. For example, do they have access to a gun if they plan to shoot themselves? If they plan to take a bunch of pills, do they have access to the pills they plan to take? If they do have access, ask if it might be helpful for them to hand their gun (or their pills) over to a trusted friend or family member until they’re in a better place and no longer a danger to their safety.

Journal:

Have you ever struggled with thoughts of wishing you were dead? If so, what was that like for you, and what brought that about?
Has anyone among your friends and family members attempted suicide? If so, how did that impact you?
Have you ever been at a low point and had someone you deeply trust ask with genuine caring how you are doing? If so, what was that like for you? Could you share with this trusted friend what had been bothering you? If so, what was it like to feel heard?